If you don't have anything nice to say...don't sit next to Kesiah

So the other night we hosted Shabbat dinner at our house and had a lovely time with the enormous J clan around our table. During the course of conversation, we started talking about someone who was causing a lot of trouble in one of our lives.

Us: This person is so annoying! They think they're so great, but they're so so so annoying!!

Kesiah: Mommy? Do I know this person?

Mommy: No, sweetheart

Us: Arrgh! Could this person be more annoying???? And unethical!!??

Kesiah: Does anyone like this person?

Mommy: Yes, honey, some people like this person

Us: And another thing! About this person!!

Kesiah: (hands over her ears) STOP! Everybody, stop!

All of us fell silent.

Mommy: You're right, Kesiah. We shouldn't say all these things, should we?

Better than a Rabbi, Kesiah is the Loshon Hara police.

**NB "Loshon Hara" translated literally is evil tongue/language. It's the Hebrew word for gossip or speaking ill of someone. And for the record, it wasn't, technically. Because it was done in the context of gaining advice and insight. So there.

Birds of a Feather

On the way to the car from a restaurant, K wanted to pretend that she was a mommy bird teaching her chicks (her mommy and daddy) how to fly:

Kesiah: Everyone! Flap your wings and fly my babies!
Kesiah: Oh no! The wind is blowing us around.
Kesiah: Everyone, blow the wind off.
Dad: Is that like fighting fire with fire?
Kesiah: Blow the wind off, my babies!
Dad: Is that like getting dry using a garden hose?
Kesiah: Stop that daddy. It is quite annoying.

Haha! She is sooooo much like her mommy.

The Great Potato Phantom

K wanted to play zombies.... again. But this time, there is a new twist:

Kesiah: Dad, let's be zombies!
Dad: Okay, arrrrrgh!
Again, Kesiah goes in to the rules again on how zombies don't eat each other... again.
Dad: Okay, got it. Arrrrrrgh!
Kesiah: Wait, hold your hands like this.
She holds her arms in front of her at waist level with her palms pointed up. It is obvious she is pretending to carry something heavy.
Dad: Why? What's that about?
Kesiah: You're holding a big potato.

After a while of playing zombies, K became a person again. Haha! I'm still a zombie! Now here's my chance to get some scrumptious K fanny:

Dad: I'm still a zombie. ARRRRGH!
I open my mouth wide and make my way slowly to K.
Kesiah: If you're hungry, just take a bite out of your big potato.

Foiled by the foresight of a 4yo.

Paper Cornflakes

After playing in the snow this morning, Evin and K retired inside to enjoy some hot cocoa and a warm breakfast. This demonstrates the downside of telecommuting. Poor productive me could not join the fabulous snow bunny duo on their frozen adventure. Instead, I needed more coffee and embarked on my own java adventure when I happened upon the weary campaigners warming their toes and tummies:

Mom: Hey Dad! We're going to make snowflakes after breakfast.
Dad: Really? Neat!
Kesiah: How do you make snowflakes out of breakfast?
Mom: Hee hee, not breakfast honey. Paper. We are going to make snowflakes out of paper.
Kesiah: Oh, I thought you said to daddy that we are going to make snowflakes out of breakfast.
Mom: I don't even know how to do that.
Kesiah: I know how but I need some dry cereal.
Mom: I bet you can but we are going to stick to paper.

I was making my way back to the office when I looked at Kesiah as she announced her breakfast transformation skills. I have never seen her this serious before.

Well That Explains it

One Friday night, I was watching K while she brushed her teeth before bed. Normally she does this alone but she asked me to keep her company. Thinking I may have "favored" status, I tried to get the most cherished snuggle time that seems to be mainly reserved for mommy.

Dad: Hey Kesiah, I'm going to snuggle with you for a bit tonight, okay?
Kesiah: I have an idea. How about I sleep in Mommy's and Daddy's bed and I can snuggle both of you.
I turned to look at Evin to see if she was cool with it. I gots the silent approval.
Dad: Sure baby but the last time we did this, you spent the whole night on Mommy's side. I would like some snuggling too.
Kesiah: I want to tell you something but I don't want you to feel bad.
Dad: What is it my dear?
Kesiah: Sometimes you don't smell so good.

NYE Coloring

As promised, here is the picture K colored as explained in "NYE Weekend with the K". Read it to understand it's full glory!

Give 'em what they want

Kesiah, still a four year old when it comes to gift etiquette and also not a fan of receiving clothing, was losing patience with her loot and booty on Chanukah. After outfit number two, the exasperated child sighed, "Ugh! I don't WANT clothes!"

Mommy: It's much nicer to just say "Thank you"

Kesiah: Why?

Mommy: [insert brief explanation of gift-giving] Also, how would you feel if someone said they didn't like a gift you gave them?

Kesiah: I'd like it!

Mommy: (dubious of this answer) oh, really?

Kesiah: Yes. Because then, I could say "Oh! I'm sorry, let me get you something else!"

NYE Weekend with the K

The family went to Asheville to celebrate NYE at Lindy Focus. K's wit sure did make an appearance.

After exiting a stinky bathroom:

Kesiah: When I grow up, I'm not going to let anyone poopy in my bathroom.

While eating out in Asheville:

Kesiah: Don't touch me 'cause I'm electric and if you touch me you get SHOCKED!

While out having NYE dinner with Paddy and Macy:

Kesiah: I don't like the duck. It stings me.
Kesiah: Excuse me, I want to tell you something.
Server: Yes, how can I help you?
Kesiah: Tell the chef that the duck has stingers.
Server: The duck has stingers?
Kesiah: Yes and tell him to remove the stingers from the lamb. I don't like them.
Server: I'm sure the chef wants to know that. I will make sure there are no stingers in your food.

While playing at the main NYE dance at Lindy Focus:

Kesiah: Let's pretend we're zombies.
Dad: Sure, Rowwrrr!
Kesiah: But we don't eat each other. We are nice to each other. We only eat other people.

Also at the Lindy Focus NYE party:

Kesiah: (coloring in her book) Look daddy!
Dad: Hmmm... that's pretty.
Kesiah: She has a laser flower. It's shooting her in the face and making her cry.

Yeah, I'll have to post a pic of that one.